I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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