The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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