wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When are your genitals available?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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