She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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