You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
