i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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