girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wish my penis had a tongue
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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