i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
