well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
