OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
