I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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