Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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