You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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