I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
