May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
