So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
