I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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