It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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