We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
