you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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