four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
