So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
