before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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