we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
