Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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