Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
