finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
