Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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