I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize