Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
