He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
