Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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