I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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