Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize