im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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