Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
