I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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