Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
