I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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