I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
