Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
