I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
