Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
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this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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