My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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