come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
