get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
