Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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