need another drink. this is the easiest way
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
