i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
