No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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