i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
