i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
