No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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