so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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